How to be happy for your ex, not angry at them

If you find yourself turning into a bit of a wreck after a break-up, calm down and read on.
If you find yourself turning into a bit of a wreck after a break-up, calm down and read on. lolostock

EVER broken up with a partner and discovered you have what my friend Linda calls a Psycho Sally, or maybe a Psycho Sam?

This is the person who comes out when you discover that your ex is sleeping with someone else, or has had something really good happen to them, or is about to be crowned king or queen of the Universe. For myself, it is usually that my ex is suddenly getting married, appearing on a television show, or has won the Lotto and is retiring to the Cayman Islands. Yes, it hurts.

Rationally, of course, you know you shouldn't care, or even that you should be glad for them. But, irrationally, you just feel plain jealous, angry or, um, psycho.

If the break-up was ugly, and you didn't have a chance to get what New Age-y types called "closure”, then some of these issues will come up for you - and me.

Of course the risk of this is increased if your ex was a cheat, a liar, a critic, a narcissist, or a whole heap of loser. But here's an idea that can be a little bit hard to grasp: letting go.

When it's O-V-E-R it's O-V-E-R so if your ex has a new lover, a bit of compassion for this new sucker may be called for. Maybe he/she will have to put up with her/his nose-picking, erectile dysfunction, self-obsession, or terminal tardiness, just like you did until you wised up.

If the problem is that everyone thinks your ex is wonderful, but you know they are a complete and utter shit, who cares?

Really, will it matter in five or 10 years time? And, as they say, karma is a bitch. The best revenge is living your life well, or getting on with it. Be your own cheer squad and forget about what is going on with him or her.

You don't have to sign your ex up for junk mail or spam, report them to the Australian Taxation Office, sell off their possessions, or filter money from their bank account to feel better. Of course, you don't have to, but you could.

Just put Psycho Sally, or Sam, back in their box and resolve to deal with that side of your personality when you feel calmer, stronger and strangely avenged.

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